I've just travelled from Vietnam to Cambodia. It's my first experience of Asia and I honestly didn't know what to expect.
I'm feeling very sorry for myself at the moment. Not only is it the anniversary of my husbands death in two days times. But I've also been kindly dumped by my boyfriend, whilst I'm over the other side of the World.
I've been sitting here, thinking how bad my life is. How I must have been such a shitty person for all of the crap I've had to deal with.
Yet there is so much heartache and pain in this world. Yesterday when we were travelling on the bus, a motorbike clipped the side of the bus and crashed.
I was sitting at the back so I saw the bike trapping his legs, I saw the other cars and bikes having to swerve to avoid hitting him, I saw the blood gushing from his nose.
Although it was his fault for the accident, that doesn't stop him being in a lot of pain. And it didn't stop our bus driving handing him some cash. No doubt as he felt guilty, but also because the medical care here I believe is non-existent.
That poor man probably had a bad concision, yet he had to get back on his bike and continue driving.
And now today, on our way to Cambodia we drove past another motorbike accident. And whoever was driving it, had died. They were just laying there, under a piece of material.
The motorbikes are so crazy here. It seems to be the cheapest mode of transport so there are so many of them.
At first I found it amusing seeing what they were carrying on their bikes. I've seen a motorbike carrying a motorbike. I've seen one little bike carrying a family of four. They seem to try and fit so many people on them.
So all it takes it one wrong move and a whole family could be wiped out. Now if we saw in the newspaper that a young dad was carrying his two year old child on a bike, the child would be taken into care so quickly.
It's interesting to find out how different thing affecting the one part of the World create issues on the opposite side.
My guide was saying how the main job for people in the cities in Cambodia is being a tour guide or something tourist related. Pooky said when the volcanic ash was causing travel havoc, that people were unable to visit the country for so long, that many people died due to no money to buy food.
To me that seems like such a crazy situation. It's so sad that something affecting the opposite side of the World caused so many people to die.
And to think of how many of my friends on Facebook were bitching and moaning about not being able to go on their holidays.
Does that make us self centred?
I love to travel, to see how beautiful other countries are. I love to see the wildlife and the countryside. I like to try the new foods and go shopping for bargains in the local markets.
But I am ashamed to say I wish I could turn my back on the poverty. Seeing disabled people begging for money because they can't find a job.
Or seeing children so happy to be given a bottle of water. What World do we live in when there is such equality?
But I am not foolish enough to think that I, being one person, could make any difference.
So if I can't make a difference, what do I do. Do I turn my head and try to ignore what's going on. Or do I try and make subtle changes to try and help?
It certainly puts things into perceptive. So if I'm seeing all this pain from the family grieving for the person on the motorbike or to the little girl who couldn't have been older than six years old guiding her blind father around begging for money.
Why do I still feel so wrapped up in my 'poor me' life? I have a beautiful home (admittedly it is the house my husband killed himself in), I have fantastic friends and family. I have a great job and I have enough money to go and travel the World.
Maybe it's me people should feel pity for. I can't even be content with what I have.
The one thing that I have really tried to do the last few days is genuinely smile at strangers. Honestly, you should give it a go. To smile at someone you do not know, and receive true warmth for absolutely nothing, is so rewarding.
